Let Me Go
by PsionicSpiders
Summary: Sollux had never really gotten over her after her untimely death. A SolAra drabble, an AU of sorts where the game hadn't taken place.


Few stars littered the dark sky that night. The wind howled through the trees. The area was somewhat familiar to Sollux, but his head felt as if it were a television which had gone static and he couldn't remember why. He knew he was at some sort of ruins, but he had no idea how he had even gotten there, or why his face was so sticky or even where his glasses had gone. Thinking about it only made his head spin more. He tried to concentrate on his breathing but to no avail, it seemed to be too rapid for him to control. A distant voice grew louder and louder. Was it in his head? No, it couldn't have been, not this time. This time it was a voice he knew very well. It was the voice of a friend no, wait, the voice of his girlfriend, Aradia Megido. He could see her now, but what was she doing out all alone at this time of night and why did she look so terrified? None of it made any sense at all to the boy. The wind whipped her hair about, strands getting stuck to apparent wet cheeks and entangled in her large horns. She was so beautiful, even with her hair a mess and her eyes like glass. The Gemini smiled, but her red lips did not quirk upwards in return. Instead, there were intense flashes of a brighter red and cyan, a scream and an impossibly loud crash.

Sollux awoke with a start and bolted upright in his recooperacoon. His breathing was heavy and his body had been dampened by sweat and sopor. There were tears starting to form in his eyes which he blinked away. He felt around in the darkness for his glasses, knocking a usb and a pen off of the side table in the process. He put a hand to his forehead and ran it through his hair, stopping at the base of his dual horns. His fringe stood at a strange angle after he had took his hand away, gravity forcing it down only slightly.  
"Jethuth Chritht..." He murmured to himself, not bothering to control his lisp as he normally would have if someone was around to hear him, but there wasn't anyone and going to the extra effort to please your crying sweaty self would be all but necessary. He could feel the mustard tinted tears rolling down his face but he was in no position to care. He was too busy thinking about the nightmare that he just had, once again. It had been only one sweep since that night but the nightmares still haunted him frequently, getting more detailed and painful each time. He never tried to forget, he couldn't even if he had tried. So why did he have to be constantly reminded? It felt unfair. His heart seemed to tear if he even so much as saw someone with a similar outfit as her, and these nightmares did not help his condition at all.  
He climbed out of his recuperacoon and threw on the shirt he had worn the previous day. He knew it was only the early hours of the morning but it was obvious to him that he would not be getting back to sleep that night and it was too cold to sit around in just his underwear. The walk to the bathroom consisted of Sollux stepping on more than a few of the wires laying around on his floor and almost stepping on an upturned plug. He stepped in to the bathroom then turned on the light and the cold water tap. He set his glasses to the side of the sink and scrunched his eyes closed as he splashed the water in to his face. He gripped the side of the basin, his knuckles turning white, and tried to bite back a few more falling tears.  
"I'm tho thorry AA. I'm tho, tho thorry." He sniffed, mustard tinted tears dropping from his face in to the sink below before rolling down in to the plughole.  
"Don't be."  
Sollux's head jerked up and he stared at the reflection in the mirror. As he had expected, but not hoped, nobody was there. He knew who that voice belonged to of course. That wonderful, smooth and silky voice. Although hearing it now was impossible and he knew that. No matter how hard he tried he could only ever hear the constant voices of the soon to be deceased, not of those who already were. That was one of her gifts, never his. Yet why did it sound so real? This wasn't like anything before. It was if she was sitting right there on the edge of the bathtub.  
_I'm just delusional. She's not here. Nobody is. Not Strider, not Karkat and certainly not Aradia._  
He sighed, and dried his face, picking up his eye wear and once again placing it on his face. He turned around to walk out of the door, planning on booting up his computer and wasting the hours away in a sea of codes. However, instead of walking out of the door and sitting down at his desk he stopped in his tracks his face pale, and blinked twice to make sure he wasn't seeing things.  
This proved worthless as once his eyelids fluttered open again everything he thought was fake was still there. A short voluptuous body with grey skin paler than his own, long curled hair tangled in a thick mess of other locks , horns curved forwards and tattered clothes covered in dirt and blood. He didn't have to look twice to know exactly who she was. He felt something in the pit of his stomach. Whether it was pain or joy he could not yet tell.  
"Morning sleepyhead! It's a tad early isn't it?" She beamed. Her lips and lashes were still as red as always but her eyes were completely white. Sollux felt his jaw drop slightly and she giggled. He knew that he had to say something, but what do you say to the love of your life after you kill them?  
"AA? Ith that really you or am I jutht crazy?" He finally said before mentally slapping himself across the face for saying something so stupid.  
"Well I think we both know the answer to that!." This earned a roll of the eyes and a a short giggle from Aradia.  
There were so many things he wanted to ask her. Things along the lines of "Do you forgive me?" or "Did I hurt you?".  
_Of course you hurt her, dumbass! Not only did she trust and love you but she died. You killed her. What do you think this is? Some kind of sleep induced illusion filled with honey butterflies and rainbows where nothing hurts? I swear if I wasn't you, I'd be punching you for your stupidity right now._  
"Sollux? Are you still here?" She tilted her head to the side as if she were a confused puppy trying to figure what exactly it's master was doing. Sollux was rigid, tense. Any slight movement felt wrong and unnatural, this event was just so surreal. He knew this shouldn't be happening, that it couldn't be happening. Nothing seemed to add up, he knew he was awake but he could not tell if he was dreaming. The girl's smile drooped slightly. "I know what you're thinking Sollux, and I can promise you I'm fine."  
"You're dead." He said bluntly, guilt taking over his heart. He looked her in the eye, and almost immediately looked down to the floor. Seeing her again after such a long time was hard to take in, almost too hard. Every time he so much as glanced at her it made him want to vigorously vomit up a plethora of apologies. Aradia had bit down slightly on her lower lip, her hands formed a loose fist.  
"I know." She whimpered, her smile faltering once again.  
"Then you're not real, it ithin't pothible." He tried to walk past her and out of the door, hoping that if he dismissed her as a demented illusion then he wouldn't have to cope with a second goodbye. He tried to, but he couldn't. The second he tried to walked past her, she got off of his bathtub and stood directly in front of him.  
"Don't say that! I'm right here aren't I?" She puffed out her cheeks and gave a pout, like an animal trying to intimidate another animal and, from what he could assume from her furrowed eyebrows, she was staring up at him. He was admittedly relieved that he couldn't see her pupils. He could remember her stare all too well, and the burning furnace which had once laid within her eyes wasn't something to be forgotten.  
"Yeth, you are, but you theem to be forgetting that I'm a deprethed and bipolar little boy who'th think pan ithn't exactly in the betht condition." He sighed and rolled his eyes, walking right through her in to the next room then turned to face her once again. "Thee that 'AA'? You can't walk through people who aren't jutht fucked up deluthionth."  
"I'm not a fucked up delusion! I'm a ghost! There's a difference." Aradia huffed, slightly hurt.  
"Not really." He sighed. He turned back around, heading towards his desk and sitting down. Aradia watched as he booted up his computer, wanting to speak but unable to utter a sound. There was a lump in her throat which she could not swallow. Agonizingly slow minutes passed before she manage to choke out her words.  
"I've missed you."  
Silence. He was ignoring her, blocking her out as if she were just another disembodied voice among many. He was ignoring her as well as he was ignoring the tears falling from his face to his keyboard. He was ignoring her, so he carried on spilling tears and writing codes, acting as if her hand wasn't touching her shoulder.  
"Sollux." She whispered, her voice soft and quiet yet determined to be heard.  
"You're not here." He said.  
"Sollux listen I-"  
"You are not here." Sollux interrupted, spinning his chair around to face her translucent face. The air was awkward and heavy as was the silence it carried, only to be disturbed by a sigh. "It's Impothible. I want you to be here but you can't be. You know why?Becauthe you're dead. You're dead, dead, dead!"  
His voice has risen to a low shout, and he found himself unable to control his hysteric tears.  
"You're dead and it'th my fault, I killed you an-" He was cut off by a pair of ghostly lips touching against his own. He knew that this wasn't a real kiss, that he couldn't really feel how cold she was and that he could keep talking but he couldn't bring himself too. He didn't believe she was here, yet his want for her to be there and really kiss him one last time stopped him from shattering the moment.  
It was Aradia who finally pulled back, Sollux's eye staring blankly at her. If she were not a ghost and it was not impossible, blood would be rising to her face making her blush.  
"AA..." His voice had retreated back to a whisper.  
"Sh. I'm not sure how much time I'm allowed here but I can probably guess we've already wasted most of it. So, I'm telling you right now what I came here to say." She took a deep breath, mostly for effect. "Sollux, I know how you feel about my death and I also know nothing will change the fact I have died, I can accept that. I just...I just need you to know that none of it was your fault, and that I don't blame you. This was how things had to be, and I'm okay with that. I love you, okay? I can never blame you for what had happened, but you need to accept that it had happened. Sollux, I need you to move on. I can't have you sitting around moping about me in the middle of the night forever. And if forgetting me is what it takes, then forget me. I don't mind. I just need you to be happy. I'll be there for you, always, watching over you. I'll be your own personal Aradia angel. So please, stop looking back through our old logs, and stop watching old recordings of us. I was the one who died that night, not you. It's not your time yet, and when it is I'll be waiting."  
He opened his mouth to reply, but she simply shook her head and smiled. The more he stared at her the harder it was to see her. He heard a faint "Goodbye Sollux" before his eyes slowly closed, drifting off to sleep. When he opened them hours later, she was gone, leaving nothing but a simple message.  
-apocalypseArisen [AA] began trolling twinArmageddons [TA]-  
AA: i l0ve y0u  
-apocalypseArisen [AA] ceased trolling twinArmageddons [TA]-


End file.
